Under the Quilt

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

"Hot" Topic

Two topics of discussion came up in our household last night. One led to the other (as usually happens). The first topic was started because Bobby came back from his neighbor friend's house this afternoon questioning me about the shoot 'em up video game issue. We have told him that he is not allowed to play or watch any video games that involve him shooting other people. There are many reasons for this decision. They are too realistic, too many kids (and adults for that matter) become desensitized to the actual act of murdering people over and over and over, if you think it's morally wrong to shoot people in real life than what makes it o.k. to do it in fantasy world. He argues that he is not someone that will ever thinks of hurting others let alone killing people. It's just a game. And if he ever did have a thought that he would want to act out something that he did in a video game, he would come and talk to us about it. Yes, I believe that he is not the type of person that wants to physically hurt others. If anything he is just the opposite. Very compassionate and aware of others feelings. He is often the one to notice first when someone is upset about something. BUT I see the potential for a problem. Kids can so easily get so used to seeing the blood and killing. And the difference between watching that in a movie and video games, is that YOU are the one doing the killing. I don't know when or if we will, as parents, ever be ready to let him play these games.

This led to the next hot topic. The issue of the game Grand Theft Auto came up. I said I don't think that it is even appropriate for adults(although it is their choice as an adult). I've never seen the game being played but from what Hubby has told me, it seems rather disturbing. My question is why would people want to play act being a gangster stealing cars and picking up prostitutes if you feel that it is morally wrong in real life? Hubby says that it's just fantasy and it gives people a chance to live out a "fantasy" without the consequences of real life. My question is why would someone have a fantasy about something that they believe is morally wrong?

This escalated to a lot of other side topics. Why do men feel the need to look at and drool over half naked pictures of women when they have a woman of their own at home? Hubby: because it is just a fantasy and something enjoyable to look at. Me: Maybe having their partner looking at other women makes some women feel like they are not good enough to look at or pretty enough to turn on their partner. Hubby: we're not talking about people in general anymore are we? Long pause......I am now shaking and tears brimming. Hubby: and how long has this been bothering you? Me: I don't know, but this is the reason why I don't discuss it. You don't agree with me. You think that looking at women from the safety of your home, getting excited by looking at someone other than me, is perfectly fine and not supposed to have any effect on me. I feel that it is the same thing as going to a strip bar and getting excited from scantily clad women. You can go to a strip bar, sit back in the corner, not have a lap dance or any contact with the women, and get the same effect as sitting at home oogling over these suggestive pictures. He argues that there are slutty pictures and then there are tasteful pictures. I disagree. If a woman is using her body in a sexually suggestive manner, no matter how much skin is exposed, than they are selling their body. Why do women feel the need to sell their body for the enjoyment of others? I've heard before that women know the power that they have over men by using their sexuallity as a tool. I agree with this. Why does it bother me so much that my partner feels the need to look at other people instead of just asking to go in the bedroom and get so much more than "looking". Does it make me feel like I'm not good enough to look at? Yes. Maybe this is a result of so many years of him asking for this and getting rejected. I have no idea. Maybe now this will give him something to think about the next time he feels the need to waste time sitting in front of the computer to enjoy the view.


  • At 3:22 PM , Blogger J Martin said...

    This article has helped me:
    Should Wives be Porn Police?.
    I don't think many of us are as aware of the spiritual connection of sex as we ought to be.
    Praying for you and yours...

  • At 6:47 PM , Blogger Liz said...

    It would bother me, too, Roxanne. And while I don't look down on anyone who likes to look at it, I do think too much of it pollutes the mind.... kind of like violent video games.

  • At 7:44 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there who has this viewpoint. And that article is very interesting. It basically sums up my side of our conversation last night. I didn't include the WHOLE episode as it was quite long.


  • At 1:41 AM , Blogger mtcutie said...

    I think that with porn, nudity etc being soo easily accessible from the comfort of our own homes this is actually becoming a more frequent problem in relationships and marriages.

    The strip joint was a little harder to hide then just going on a computer from your own home. I had a boyfriend for 5 years that I believe was addicted to
    A) sex
    B) porn… which lead to
    C) cheating.

    I used to convince myself that it was ok for him to go to strip joints. I even felt bad and offered to go too. I’m not sure I was going to like it but I wanted to be a part of that world so I could understand it. Obviously this relationship didn’t work, but that doesn’t mean that other’s can’t.

    I hate to start spewing the “leave him’ comments. I don’t know either of you or anything more about your relationship. I’m sure reading this blog may make a few women angry and start throwing out the “woman power” thing at you.

    I’m sure this made you angry, I’m sure it’s hard to deal with but I wouldn’t make any harsh decisions based on the “man bashing” that’s bound to come with this entry.

    I really hope you and your husband find a way to communicate and understand each other. I really hope it all works out.


  • At 10:13 AM , Blogger mtcutie said...


    Thank you for the comment on my "ode to Diane" entry. I struggled with whether I was going to let her read it. Most of my friends, coworkers etc don't even know I have a blog. This allows me to vent about anything I want without having to worry about who I’m going to upset along the way.

    Anyway I did send it to her today and she's allowed me to post up her response. Feel free to come back and read it if your interested.

    I hope your 'discussions' have ended on a good note.


  • At 11:27 AM , Blogger Brie said...

    If I had a husband, this would bother me too. There is so much pressure out there in society already about being skinnier and better looking. I can see why him looking at these things would make you feel as if you aren't good enough, it would do the same to me. I agree with you, why does he feel the need to look at these things when he has you, and can look and get much more than that. Those women that he look sat he'll more than likely never see.I'm sorry if I'm getting too personal, but I guess I just thought I needed to say something. I know I'm only a teenager, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one.Good luck, and now that that's out in the open, maybe something will work out.I hope so.

  • At 4:28 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Thanks for the input. Even after discussing this to some extent, we still do not agree. He thinks that it is o.k. to look and that there's no harm because these are people that he will never meet. That's one part that bothers me about it. Why should men need to(or be allowed to) look/gawk at women that they have no relationship with. I don't think I'm a prude, but I think that nudity and seduction should be between two people. Not women selling their body(and soul and self-esteem and....). Unfortunately my hubby has decided not to bring up the subject after that first conversation (I sent him the "Should
    Wives be Porn Police" link). And of course if I bring it up again it will be looked at as nagging. I think at least he will be thinking about me the next time he thinks about leering at those sleazy pix. Thanks everyone for your comments.


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