Under the Quilt

I'm here. You're here. Let's talk amongst ourselves.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Further Explanation

Remember the win the lottery/fix yourself conversation? I honestly don't write things here to stir the pot. I need to get my thoughts out. And it also helps to get others' opinions to see if my viewpoint is way out there. I don't expect or want people to comment only if they agree with me. Including my husband.

He brought up the subject again to clarify that what he meant was if I wanted to do it to make myself feel better. I get that. But I also see it as an unnecessary suggestion. Just one more thought planted in my head that I don't need rolling around in there.

Just when I think I'm starting to feel good about my body, I realize that it's all just a farce. Just me trying to convince myself that getting my waistline back and decreasing the size of my butt will eliminate everything else that is sitting there staring back at me in the mirror. Yep, I've got the scars from having two wonderful children. But it doesn't take away the fact that I never had a chance to enjoy my pre-baby body while I was still young. It doesn't take away the fact that although my husband tells me he thinks I'm hot, I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not my looks that attract him. It doesn't take away the fact that no matter how many people tell you that you look fine, it only takes one non-chalant comment to wipe it all out.

I'm going to say it now. I was wrong. I was wrong in stating that I don't feel like I need to be fixed. But I figure if I keep telling myself that, that it will somehow be true. Aren't we (females) given messages practically our whole lives that there's always something more we should be doing to make ourselves better? Let's see a show of hands of everyone who had to do the "we must, we must, we must increase our busts" exercise in junior high gym class. Ah....yeah....thanks a lot for that message. I won't even get into the whole media thing, except that we need a whole lot more Queen Latifahs.

I will end with one last message that I received in high school that has stuck with me ever since. I was standing in line at the snack bar. Directly behind me is one of the jerkiest jerks I have ever met. I didn't realize that anyone could be that arrogant at such a sweet, tender age.

Out of nowhere, he says to me in a tone low enough that noone else could hear, "You couldn't get any dick even if you paid for it."

Even though I knew he was a jerk and just said it to get a rise out of me, I have never been able to shake it. And I consider myself to be a strong-willed person. Maybe I've been wrong all these years......


  • At 5:50 PM , Blogger Bearette24 said...

    What a jerk!

    I came to the conclusion that all women (except maybe the supermodels) have body issues. And even they are probably worried about their stomachs/butts/boobs.

  • At 10:26 PM , Blogger His suzy said...

    Bearette, I've come to that conclusion too. And it helps me to know that women that I think are physically beautiful still have things that they're self-conscious about. It actually gives me more confidence.

    There are any number of things that I don't like about my physical self, my weight being the biggest (get it, biggest? lol) one of them. But I've learned that being self-conscious or embarassed about it isn't going to help anything. If I still present myself with confidence about who I am, then people usually treat me the same in return. So sometimes I just have to fake my mojo until I have it for real.

    Just my two cents. ;)

  • At 9:48 AM , Blogger Liz said...

    Bearette- yeah, I wouldn't exclude supermodels from that group.

    Society makes it awfully hard for women to feel good about being normal. Such extreme emphasis is placed on a woman's physical appearance above all else. Ever watched TV with the sound off? Especially music videos... wow.

    Have you seen this video from Dove?

  • At 2:22 PM , Blogger Rachel said...

    Damn, he deserved an ass kicking for that and, karma?, she's a bitch!

  • At 12:15 AM , Blogger Caro said...

    I've always been neurotic about my body.

    I wonder why hurtful comments stay with us for so long.

  • At 8:39 AM , Blogger ThePurpleOwl said...

    I bet he couldn't get any dick either, and that's what his problem was. That was his insecurity talking, nothing to do with you... and he had no right.

    My body and I have always had a fierce love/hate relationship... but there's nothing about my bust that needs work, at least! I constantly expect others to judge me because of my body... actually, most of the time I think of 'me' and 'my body' as entities that are totally separate things that have unfortunately been forced by necessity to live together. And yet, I can honestly say that the things I have trouble with about my body I *totally don't notice* about other people's -- in fact, attraction to others, for me, has little to do with physical appearance. No, really. Weird double standards we set for ourselves, huh?

    Isn't it the 'flaws' that we *really* love about other people anyway? I think that's real love: knowing someone's 'flaws' intimately and in great detail... and loving that person, not despite the 'flaws', but *because* of them.


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