Somebody kill me now so I don't have to do it myself (please)

Why am I such an idiot?

Why can I not leave well enough alone?

Why do I have no willpower?

I have gone and done something that I told myself, will myself into believing that I would never do again. Hubby asked me the other day if I had been reading his blog. I was able to honestly answer, "No, I haven't looked since that last time in Nov.(?). I learned my lesson to let you have that space."

Well, guess what folks? Just at the mere mention of it, I couldn't keep my mind off of it. What is there something you wrote about that you don't want me to read? (my paranoia stepping in). Damn, why did he not change the address therefore making it impossible for me to read his innermost thoughts? I will take what I read with a grain of salt (actually a couple of handfuls). I know (or at least I'm convincing myself to believe) that the parts of what I read that affect me very deeply, are in fact stuff that he wrote when he was in his last spiral. I think this is why he asked if I had been reading.....because he knew it was stuff that would affect me. This is exactly the reason why I fell into the mind trap and went back to that space that I should have never gone to again.

Somebody at least needs to slap me really, really hard.