Under the Quilt

I'm here. You're here. Let's talk amongst ourselves.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Go away, GO away, GO AWAY!!!!!

Tonight hubby comes home from work, says a few words to me and the kids, and heads to the hallway. I figured he was headed for the bathroom until I went to tell him dinner was ready. Found him face down on the bed, work clothes still on, on top of the covers. Kids and I had dinner and went to the pool for a couple of hours. It's 11pm and he's still in the SAME EXACT POSITION.

Disclaimer: To those of you that are used to dealing with the normal moods that people normally go through, THIS is not the same. I know from a distance it might seem that way, but it is SO not. I wish it was, believe me. And I'm not just blah, blah, blahing to get the sympathy vote. I just need to get things out so that I can remain the calm, sane parent of this household. Someone needs to feed the children after all.

These are the times that I want to kick that d*mn beast right out of our lives. (note: the beast is what he calls his depression....it's not my pet name for hubby:) ) (and, yes, I just made a :) face, maybe I'm ready to stop being so stubborn and join the rest of the world and start making :) faces all over the place:) )

I've seen this coming the past few days.

Wish me luck......


  • At 11:14 AM , Blogger His suzy said...

    Good luck! I'll send some happy, unbeast vibes your way.

  • At 2:08 PM , Blogger irv said...

    AAAAUUUUUGGHHH! I had to set up a blogger account just to render this comment (came over from from fatman's site -- thanks for your comments about porn, btw. his audience base seems pretty clueless or indifferent to its evils):

    THAT'S WHAT I CALL IT!!!! In fact it was THIS past winter, a particularly rainy one, when I settled on this moniker. To wit: why haven't I filed my taxes yet? why do I have two uncashed paychecks dated from october of 2005? why do I pay my bills 5 months late or in advance? why haven't I paid that bill for the second visit to the ER following a 4-hour anxiety attack? why didn't I make an appointment to see a doctor about that sprained foot? "why won't you get out of bed, mom?"

    Don't mess with the beast. You will not conquer the beast. Your will is no match for the beast. It will take an army of trained doctors and shrinks and familial supports to even tame the beast. It is bigger than you, stronger than you, insidious and elusive. The beast rules.

    You and your husband have my sympathies. I assume he was face down, not asleep...??

    Hope to talk more on this subject. You seem like a cool blogger. A bit more humble than most...

  • At 12:25 AM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    He was face down AND asleep...and snoring since he didn't have his machine attached.

    I hope that my perspective is somewhat helpful to you. There seem to be so many blogs of depressed people (my hubby has found plenty of them.... I suggested that maybe he branch out and find some people that aren't going to bog down his mind with all of their issues along with everything going on in his own mind) that I think it's nice for people to see what it's like from the other end of the stick. Am I rambling? Anyways, I hope someone besides me gets something from all of this drivel that I write here.

    Thanks for stopping by.

    Oh, and thanks for calling me 'cool'. Believe me, I do NOT get that in real life. So it's fun to at least pretend that I might be cool, even if only in blogland.


  • At 1:30 AM , Blogger irv said...

    I have officially deemed 'cool' in blog terms to mean 'not attempting to be cool.'

    I can see your point. I'll bet all us depressives are on the internet 24/7 seeking solace and regaling others with the originality and urgency of our problems. This can easily exacerbate the condition. Sitting in front of a screen in the basement of your house doesn't exactly alleviate a disorder to which one is biochemically prone and is worsened by social isolation and bad lighting.

    Anyway, my comment was a bit overemphatic and poorly edited, but the 'beast' nomenclature just about sent me into orbit. I have been navigating the beast for roughly five months this year, and since I invented the term, I want full copywrite status and royalties. You'll be hearing from my lawyers :)

    Any meds? Is he willing to enter treatment? Do you take it day by day? Does weather factor in? Personally, I am a big fan of weather and I don't think the planet would fare terribly well in its absence.

    good luck.

  • At 9:02 AM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Yes, he is on meds. Has been for about 2 years now. I don't know if you've ever tried anything, but it is a struggle to find the right one, combination, and dosage. One of the first ones they put him on was Celexa and let's just say it did not exactly agree with him. That was when I almost lost him to this disease. Luckily he realized it was the meds and they tried something else. He's just recently started a combo of Zoloft and Wellbutrin and it seems to be working ok with a few downs every now and then (face down on bed for no apparent reason).

    He has tried "treatment" meaning he has been to a therapist for 'talk therapy'. This worked for him to some extent, but the only problem is that he never feels like he is completely connected with the therapist. He also is pretty intelligent (making the fact that he has no control over these thoughts in his brain even more difficult to deal with), so he also has a hard time believing that any therapist can be smarter than him to fix his problems. When first trying therapy, he soon realized that after his session there was no way he could go back to work or function at all. Even now, after 2 years, it is the same only not as drastic. He still needs time to decompress before getting back to life with me and the kids.

    Taking it day by day is pretty much how it goes. I never know how he's going to be coming home from work. I've let him know that this is difficult for me (which was not a good idea). I'm always waiting for that one time that he doesn't resist the urge to start driving and never look back.

    Weather is definitely a factor. Weather affects a lot of people, but I think for the depressive it can be that much more. This past year, we moved from a foggy, rainy most of the year climate. He loved it (because the weather usually matched his mood) and always used to mock everyone that would complain about the 'dreary' weather. I think it's a good thing that we moved somewhere that has 4 actual seasons.

    I think that's enough for now.



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