Under the Quilt

I'm here. You're here. Let's talk amongst ourselves.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

150 degrees and rising

The sauna is a very interesting place to conduct social experiments. Every time I go in there, I'm not sure what to expect. I told the story of the old swedish man that brought me to tears with his stories. The other night, I was almost brought to tears again. Just not for the same reason.

I decided to take a break from swimming with my two wonderful children. It was time for a little warm up, so I go to the sauna (which is connected to the pool area so I can still watch my two wonderful children swimming, plus the lifeguard is there as backup ;)

As I enter, I notice a familiar smell slap me in the face. It only took a few moments for me to recognize the smell and memories of my mom caring for me while I was sick came flooding in.
Vick's Vaporub. I take a seat next to, what I later find out, is Mr. Vaporub. He apparently has been suffering from a bad cold, and was trying to clear his sinuses well enough to play some basketball. Good for you. Now everyone's sinuses are nice and clear.

Arrogance is dripping off of Mr. Vaporub (and a lot of sweat, too). He proceeds to fill me in on the "prune diet" that he and his wife adopted about 5 years ago. They eat prunes after each meal. This is to help eliminate anything that is useless to the body. According to Mr. Vaporub, it seems to work quite well. He also proclaimed that the sauna is one of the best things for weight loss. That is, if you don't guzzle down any water afterwards. He says, he doesn't drink ANY water until he gets home. That way, his body has had a chance to cool down and therefore he doesn't drink as much. He says that his wife doesn't go in the sauna (because she chooses to go to the YMCA that they live closest to and it doesn't have a sauna) and "I look much better than her...." (did he just say that?) "I guess I shouldn't have said that, but you know what I mean." Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Arrogant little Mr. Vaporub.

He turns to the guy next to him.

Vaporub: It looks like you've been "lifting" quite a bit.

Buff Guy: Well, I've been trying to keep it up for the past 20 years. But my boy is about to pass me up....*chuckle*

Vaporub: Yeah, it looks like you've put on a good 5-10 pounds up top. (this is meant as a compliment in case you didn't get that)

Buff Guy: Well, thanks. (fully excepting the compliment in a totally heterosexual way. Cause otherwise, it might be weird)

Guy Next to Buff Guy: So, what did you think about that Michigan vs. Notre Dame game? Wasn't that somethin'? (totally trying to change the subject as to keep the level of male testosterone at the correct level)

Hey, I'm fine with that. As long as Mr. Vaporub stops filling me in on his elimination tricks.

I take this as my cue to go back out to the kids (plus I'm getting so hot, that it's getting difficult to breath and my eyes are literally fogging over).

Jesse: So, who ARE those guys in there?

Roxanne: They're just people that enjoy sitting in the sauna like me.

Jesse: And they want to flirt with you!

If she only knew..........

9 Comments:

  • At 11:42 AM , Blogger His suzy said...

    You could've told him where to stick his prunes. Or his VapoRub.

    And you could just say that Notre Dame looked like a completely different team in their loss to Michigan from the week before when they womped on Penn State. ;)

     
  • At 12:34 PM , Blogger Bearette24 said...

    Mr. Vaporub sounds very competitive. Sometimes I get turned off by people like that, but I feel bad for them at the same time. I'm glad you had fun in the sauna ;)

     
  • At 6:06 PM , Blogger ThePurpleOwl said...

    Of course he'd weigh less after sweating it out and then not drinking -- he'd be bloody *dehydrated*. He's probably turning himself into a human prune. Silly man.

    *shaking my head*

     
  • At 11:35 PM , Blogger Carolyn said...

    Too bad his prune diet didn't send him fleeing from the sauna to the restroom.

     
  • At 8:54 AM , Blogger Liz said...

    Hehe. It's funny how a comment like "it looks like you've put on a good 5-10 pounds up top" would be taken as a compliment by a man and likely as an insult by a woman.

    Unless she'd just had a boob job. Maybe then it would be a compliment. :)

     
  • At 9:24 AM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Suzy- That would mean I would have to know something about Notre Dame or Michigan or Penn State...which I don't. But I do know something about prunes and Vaporub. They should not be anywhere near a sauna or any part of a sauna conversation.

    Bearette- Yes, he was quite sickenly arrogant. I feel more sorry for his wife. ;)

    Purple Owl- I was thinking the same thing. I'm literally dying of thirst when I get out of the sauna. The thought of not drinking anything is frightening.

    Carolyn- Now that you mention it, he did leave rather abruptly.....

    Liz- I was thinking the same thing. Women would NEVER think of telling another woman that she puts on ____. And for me personally, I would never compliment any woman that had put on a few pounds up top on purpose. It would only encourage them.

     
  • At 4:02 PM , Blogger Invader Stu said...

    "It looks like you've put on a good 5-10 pounds up top."

    I would have no idea how to react if someone said that to me.

     
  • At 9:07 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Stu- Obviously you haven't been lifting weights. :p

     
  • At 12:16 PM , Anonymous Lynsey said...

    Usually it's the Bengay smell.

     

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