Under the Quilt

I'm here. You're here. Let's talk amongst ourselves.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

On the downhill slope

This is why I loathe long, heartfelt talks. I know they're necessary. I know we can no longer avoid them. I know that I have to let my feelings (both past and present) out in the open. But how much is too much? I know this will get better with time, patience, a lot of drugs, and hopefully continued therapy. Why does it have to be so dang hard?


  • At 12:37 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...

    Right now I am actively AVOIDING therapy although I know I should go back. (The last therapist didn't work out.)

    It seems to me that therapy is even more painful than living in denial. Not that I'm saying you live in denial. I'm saying I do.

    It is hard to make changes.

  • At 12:38 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...

    Oh, and I linked you.

    Now you're stuck with me. :P

  • At 12:16 PM , Blogger annelynn said...

    It will be better, with things out in the open. Whatever comes out hurts, a lot of the time. Burying things and avoiding them doesn't work. I know that from experience. I can't give you any advice, so I won't try. Just please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • At 4:23 PM , Blogger Invader Stu said...

    We're all here for you

  • At 6:44 PM , Blogger ThePurpleOwl said...

    I hope both of you are OK, Rox.

    Yeah, talking things through is important of course... but too much talk about the past and what was and what could/would/should have been can drag you down, can't it (that's true for me, at least)? I'm not saying 'bury' or 'avoid', just that when you've had to deal with some of the past stuff, it's good to move on to the idea of the future as well, and what can be different and better about it.

    I had to have a lot of physiotherapy when I was younger (I was born with mild cerebral palsy, which mainly affects my balance and gives my walk a little wibble-wobble), and I used to ask the 'why is it so hard, why does it hurt so much' questions a lot too. My mum used to always tell me life wasn't meant to be easy, it was meant to teach us about ourselves and that sometimes makes it really difficult and painful, but at least I had people around me who loved me. And then she'd sing 'It's not easy being green' at me in a bad Kermit the Frog voice. Terribly. Off-key. Made me nuts, made me more angry sometimes, but also sometimes made me laugh.

    So, anyway: I'm not saying you should sing at each other, but at least you love each other. I think it's wonderful that you're helping Ron through this, turning your own world upside down to make sure he doesn't have to do the hard, painful stuff alone.

  • At 11:25 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Carolyn- I agree that therapy is always harder before it gets better. But when does the better come? Or maybe I'm just expecting too much. Who knows. (thanks for the link)

    Anne- My strategy has always been to bury and not stir things up. Not good. But now(in the past few years) that I have realized things need to get out in the open, it is a struggle to figure out just how much or how deep to go. Thanks for caring.

    Stu- Thanks a bunch.

    Purple Owl- I had this strange mental picture of us singing to each other play acting Kermit and Miss Piggy (off-key and horrendous). I guess that strategy has to go out the door. ;)
    I get what you're saying though. It's always hard for me to find the right balance between talking things out and not burying or avoiding, and not getting bogged down in the past. What's done is done and now we must move forward. In a round about way, that's what I've been trying to tell him. And no matter how hurt I've been, now that I see and understand why most things happened, I can move on. He still cannot see how I am able to forgive him. Don't know when that will happen.

  • At 1:38 AM , Blogger jef said...

    I only hope you will come to triumph this deep water Rox. My thoughts are in you :-)

  • At 7:45 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Thanks, Jef. I think we are making our way to the shallow end of the pool. In a good way though. ;)

  • At 7:13 AM , Blogger Sarah Louise said...

    It's hard because we are all stinking BROKEN. Even the sanest person is just hiding a few cracks.

    I remember one particular session that I left, sobbing, and my therapist said, "This is the healthiest I've seen you." THANKS!

    You can find my email on my blog--I was diagnosed Bipolar II eight years ago and I've been going back and forth between your blog and your husbands for the past 15 or so minutes.


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