Under the Quilt

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Monday, November 06, 2006

Shoes, Blues, and Too Much Booze

Has anyone else ever noticed that weddings can be way overdone with the people involved losing sight of what the event is supposed to truly be about? Sometimes all you can do is hope for the best, but sadly expect the worst. I tend to be optimistic while everyone else around me is looking at everything that can go wrong. This weekend was no different.

The Great Shoe Fiaso

I decided to go with the strappy shoes until the reception. At this time I did a shoe wardrobe change. Problem solved. Happy feet.


I always set myself up for dissapointment. Why do I do this to myself? I should know by now that my partner is not going to willingly take me out on the dance floor. So when the DJ begins to play a slow song and Jesse asks, "Aren't you guys gonna go dance?" and I get the "do I have to" look and "I guess I'll go out there with you," comes out of his mouth, then forgive me if I'm not melting in my shoes. Forgive me if I want someone to dance with that doesn't feel obligated to do so. Forgive me if my response did not come across too well and resulted in my obligated partner offering to take the kids to the room and subsequently falling asleep.

Too Much Booze

If you don't know already, I'm not a boozer. The most consecutive alcoholic drinks I have ever had were 3. Total. You know what works really well every time tears start to well up? Another glass of beer from the open bar. My cousin (who was paying the outrageous bar tab) wanted to get his money's worth. I was not going to let him down. Every time I had a few gulps left in my glass, he was there coaxing me to chug it down so he could go get me a refill. I felt like I was attending a college party. The only thing missing was the chugging funnel. The amazing part.....no hangover, not even the slightest hint of a headache. I'm not ready to tempt fate and make this a habit.

Onto the fun part.

My first dance partner: my cousin's wife's brother
First thing he says to me on the dance floor: "I'm probably THE only gay man that can't dance." He was right. The man had no rhythm whatsoever. But he was very gracious. Later he was talking about his relationship with his partner, "We do
everything together except dancing." Mental picture would not leave me for a while.

My second dance partner: my cousin
Many beers into the evening and once the 20-somethings started bumping and grinding dirty dancin' style, he decides to ask me if I'd like to dance. Sure. He has no rhythm either, but we had fun bopping around to some tunes. It wasn't until a slow song came on that things turned a little creepy. Unless I am dancing with my honey, I like to have lots of personal space between me and whomever else is with me on the floor. Especially if that someone is family. So when I was pulled in just a tad too close (ok.... a LOT too close) and I hear, "You smell really good," I began to worry.

Rox: "Gee thanks."
Cuz: "Oh, by the way, I'm not hitting on you."
Rox: "That's good. I was starting to worry."
Cuz: "Man, I've been married WAY too long."

No more slow dances for me. Not enough beer in the joint and I'm not into the whole kissing cousins thing.

Next dance partner: my cousin's wife and the groom
The DJ announced that this would be the last slow song of the night. My cousin was persuaded to dance with the bride by his wife. We're standing there, not much to do, when she suggests, "Hey, it's the last dance.....(motioning with her arm to the dance floor). Sure. Why not. So we start to dance. I assume the man's hand position with my hands resting on her waist. A few moments later her son, the groom, comes over to introduce a friend of his to his mom. After introductions were made, he offers to dance with me. "I just wanted to switch things up a bit." He procedes to thank me for making the trip. I admitted that it felt strange coming to his wedding since we really didn't know him. But I told him that I knew it meant a lot to his dad (maybe too much....heehee). While we were talking and dancing (and he thoughtfully kept his distance), I noticed that his eyes were completely bloodshot and he smelled as if he had been syphoning gasoline out of every vehicle out in the parking lot. Ever notice how people can be brutally honest when they're blitzed?

Groom: Looks at the ring on his finger, "It's too late now," shaking head.
Rox: "..................."

I hope it all works out for the best.


  • At 5:23 PM , Blogger Bearette24 said...

    do you think he was serious? or just joking around?

    it sounds like a more entertaining wedding than most ;)

  • At 7:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    After all these years, I still don't think you fully realize how afraid I am of being in these situation, how much it hurts me to disappoint you, and how pissed off at myself I am for my inability to "just have fun" like everyone else. I stayed as long as I possibly could, and then I could take no more. I am certain you had more fun without me than you would have with me.

    You might say you understand my feelings, but you really don't.

  • At 8:31 AM , Blogger Liz said...

    The slow-dancing cousins part made me laugh out loud! Wow. I just don't know how I would have responded to that...

    Sounds like you handled the shoe situation beautifully. :)

  • At 12:06 PM , Blogger His suzy said...

    I'm glad you had some fun and I'm glad the shoe thing worked out!

    And maybe it's a good thing your cousin doesn't live close. lol

    (Oh, by the way, wouldn't your cousin's brother also be your cousin? That part confused me. lol)

  • At 12:40 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Bearette- I'm not sure. I think he was too plastered to be joking. It was definitely entertaining, at least.

    Ron- Yes, I do realize your feelings. But, just for once, I would love to spend the evening wrapped in your arms , swaying to a slow dance. It's not the same without you. I don't expect you to get up and do a jig to Footloose, but a little romantic smooching on the dancefloor would be nice once in a while. And also, this is still my place to vent.

    Liz- I forgot to add that my cousin is missing his front teeth and interjects "eh" at the end of every sentence. It just added to the hilarity of the whole situation.

    Suzy- How observant of you! I forgot to fix that one. It was actually my cousin's WIFE'S brother.

  • At 1:12 AM , Blogger The Beast Mom said...

    Here I am! My stupid phone line just now decided to WORK AGAIN! And I enjoyed the recounting of the wedding. :)

  • At 2:56 PM , Anonymous Lessie said...

    Wow! Great description! Loved it. Sorry it wasn't better for the writer, though! :)

  • At 3:17 PM , Blogger Roxanne said...

    Beast Mom- Good to see you're back. Wouldn't want to have you MIA. ;)

    Lessie- the writer?

  • At 10:17 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...

    So are we going to lay bets on how long the marriage lasts?

    Good thing your cousin didn't tell you that you sure have a purty mouth.

  • At 4:30 PM , Blogger Invader Stu said...

    I could not help laughing at the cousin thing


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