Humpty Dumpty..........(where are all those freakin' king's men when you need them?)

First of all, a much appreciated thank you to all of my friends here. This started out as just a place to get my daily struggles and frustrations out, but now is a source of support and love. It's really quite amazing to me how supportive people can be whom I have never met (but hopefully will someday so I can thank you in person).

Today I was able to gather a little more info, so I feel better. Hubby is being proactive in the care that he's receiving. He requested info on all of the meds. that they are giving him. So I went over them with him when I visited. He also told the doctor that he wants a complete rundown of what their plan of actionwill be and what the actual diagnosis is for him before his release from the hospital. Iwas prepared with my list of questions and my backbone intact when I got there today. No need for that, although I did go over the questions with him. He pretty much had already covered all of it with the doc already. They know about his patterns of behaviors. The drugs he is on proves it.

Zoloft- been on it
Wellbutrin- also been on it for a little while
Ativan
Lamictal
and good 'ol......Lithium

He has thought for a while that he might be considered Bipolar 2. We'll see what the doctor says. At least I think they might be on the right path now.

Some excerpts from my visit today:

"I think what I feel most right now comes down to 2 words: confusion and damaged."

"Do whatever you need to do. Whatever is best for you and the kids. If that means not having me in the picture, than I would understand. I would be sad and broken, but I would understand."

"I'm not here because I feel like I need to, but because I want to. You are worth it. You are worth whatever turmoil I have to go through."

"That's still hard for me to believe."

"I don't know if I'll ever be anywhere near the person that you married. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm so confused."

"I wish I could just pull you down on top of me right now. Or maybe we could sneak into the bathroom and I'll bend you over the sink."

"Are you sure they didn't sneak one of those little blue pills into the cocktail? You know the one with the big V on it?"

I've got plenty more, but I'll leave it at that for now.

They are supposedly looking at the possibility of him being released on Monday. If he can watch his P's and Q's and stop making sarcastic jokes. At least he realized this and has been restraining his well intentioned humor. The doctors and nurses on that ward do not take certain things lightly. I guess it's their job after all, but give the guy a break. So, for now, he said they're basically waiting until they feel his suicidal thoughts are not something he is planning on acting on immediately. I guess it's one thing to think about the possibilities, and quite another to feel the need to act on them.

I am a rock. I am a rock. I will keep telling myself this. Over and over and over.

**I've been instructed to sneak in a blizzard from DQ the next time I come. Don't know if it will make it past security or not. Although they haven't even checked my purse at all. I could have been smuggling in nail files and such.**