Under the Quilt

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Saturday, September 17, 2005

Feeling lucky (or not)

I recently found a blog that is from a 25 year old guy who 1 1/2 years ago became a quadrapalegic in a skiing accident. It is so interesting, inspiring, and thought provoking to read his thoughts about life. He is trying to figure out where his place is in this world. I can't stop thinking about his blog just because it makes me realize how much I have to be grateful for. Just the simple things in life. He has a list of things that he misses, some of them heart wrenching to read. Hugging his nieces, putting a ring on a girl's finger, scraping the windshield, making breakfast, holding hands, etc. It really has made me think about what I have and that I need to consciencly enjoy every moment that I have with my hubby and kids. It also makes me feel guilty that I somewhat wanted to move away from my family because I always get so irritated at every family gathering. My family had been everything to me. But over the past few years, I have become cynical and flat out irritated every time we would get together with my parents and sister and her husband and their seven kids. It becomes chaotic to the point that the adults cannot talk to each other without constant interruptions of whining and fighting and screaming and time-outs and you name it. Now that we're living halfway across the country, I am feeling guilty for not being very grateful. I already started to envision what it will like when they come to visit. "Stop touching that! Do not even think of throwing that pool ball! and on and on and on. Maybe my sister and my parents can visit and the rest of them can stay home. See, I'm not very grateful for my sweet, darling nephews and nieces and ranting and raving brother-in-law. Another thing that I feel bad about is being jealous of my parent's time. They have been foster parents for the past 8 years or so. They decided to do this because my sister and her husband had been foster parents for a few years. That is how they have ended up with seven children. First took them in as foster children, and then adopted them when it was a possibility. They have had a few children that eventually went back to live with their birth parents. So my parents at first got into foster care for what I believe is the right reasons. But now, they continue to take in kids even though my mom (in my opinion) is not physically or mentally capable of doing so. My dad still works so he does not have much involvement in caring for the kids. She says that she wants to take in the "easy ones". Infants mostly, but toddlers as a possibility. The problem is that most foster children end up staying in care for way longer than the law is supposed to allow. The infants that they take in eventually turn into toddlers, who turn into preschool age. You see where this is going. It's not that I don't have a heart for these poor children in these unbearable, life-altering situations. I just don't think that my parents should still be taking in these children. They are both in their 60's and not in very good health for that age. I would love to see my parents be able to have time to spend with their grandchildren and actually enjoy them. They are always preoccupied with "their kids" to be able to appreciate their own grandkids. It was very irritating to me to live in the same city as my parents and not have them come pick up our kids to do something spontaneous with them. Even just to go get an ice cream cone or take them to the park. My daughter got to the point where she said, "Granny is evil! All she does is yell at the kids when we go over there." This is not the mother that I grew up with. I believe there is a time when people are physically and mentally no longer prepared to raise children. My parents have reached their prime. A long time ago. Of course I'm the sweet innocent child that doesn't want to stir up anything so I never tell them my true feelings. How would you approach that subject with your parents? I don't know if there is a way. And I know it would not be taken very well if I did say anything.

1 Comments:

  • At 2:54 PM , Blogger Brutus said...

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