Done!!!!

Lo and behold, I finished the afghan I was making for my mom. Happy Mother's Day!

Further Explanation

Remember the win the lottery/fix yourself conversation? I honestly don't write things here to stir the pot. I need to get my thoughts out. And it also helps to get others' opinions to see if my viewpoint is way out there. I don't expect or want people to comment only if they agree with me. Including my husband.

He brought up the subject again to clarify that what he meant was if I wanted to do it to make myself feel better. I get that. But I also see it as an unnecessary suggestion. Just one more thought planted in my head that I don't need rolling around in there.

Just when I think I'm starting to feel good about my body, I realize that it's all just a farce. Just me trying to convince myself that getting my waistline back and decreasing the size of my butt will eliminate everything else that is sitting there staring back at me in the mirror. Yep, I've got the scars from having two wonderful children. But it doesn't take away the fact that I never had a chance to enjoy my pre-baby body while I was still young. It doesn't take away the fact that although my husband tells me he thinks I'm hot, I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not my looks that attract him. It doesn't take away the fact that no matter how many people tell you that you look fine, it only takes one non-chalant comment to wipe it all out.

I'm going to say it now. I was wrong. I was wrong in stating that I don't feel like I need to be fixed. But I figure if I keep telling myself that, that it will somehow be true. Aren't we (females) given messages practically our whole lives that there's always something more we should be doing to make ourselves better? Let's see a show of hands of everyone who had to do the "we must, we must, we must increase our busts" exercise in junior high gym class. Ah....yeah....thanks a lot for that message. I won't even get into the whole media thing, except that we need a whole lot more Queen Latifahs.

I will end with one last message that I received in high school that has stuck with me ever since. I was standing in line at the snack bar. Directly behind me is one of the jerkiest jerks I have ever met. I didn't realize that anyone could be that arrogant at such a sweet, tender age.

Out of nowhere, he says to me in a tone low enough that noone else could hear, "You couldn't get any dick even if you paid for it."

Even though I knew he was a jerk and just said it to get a rise out of me, I have never been able to shake it. And I consider myself to be a strong-willed person. Maybe I've been wrong all these years......

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Got to talk to Grandma Donna last night for the first time since her visit. It was nice. She said that she was really, really glad for the fact that I was here during her visit (something I had been nervous about...the whole stepping on toes thing), admitting that it would probably have been much more stressful had I not been here to smooth things over from time to time. Plus, she told me how lucky Ron is to have me, since I'm such a wonderful person. All I could say was, "Thanks."

She is planning on driving down to CA when the kids are there this summer. My family is excited to meet her and the kids will be happy to see her again also. I wish I could go. :( But Ron and I may have a fun trip in the works for ourselves while the kids are gone. If we can get cheap enough airfare (and if I can convince Ron that hordes of people will not make him go crazy), we just may be going to NYC (yippee...I've never been). Will keep posted.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I went to see Music and Lyrics and Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls at the $1 theater this past week. I love Drew Berrymore. I think I aspire to be her. I wish I could be all carefree and la-ti-da all the time. She's got that look about her where no matter what she wears, she looks good. And that crooked, sweet yet naughty smile. So, either I want to be her or I want to do her.

Daddy's Little Girls was pretty good. It inspired a weird dream that I had last night (oh no, here she's goes with the dreams again). I was with my family (mom, sister, and I'm not sure who else). We were out on the town when I ran into Bearette and Liz. My mom and sister asked how I knew these "friends". When I told them, they shunned me questioning how I could claim to be friends with anybody from the internet. Oh the shame!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

We had a tree company do an estimate for some work on our property. It was actually the place that one of my daycare dads works for. We had been talking for quite some time about needing to have a couple of dead/almost dead trees taken down and a bunch of the trees have huge dead branches precariously balanced just waiting to fall on somebody's head. The estimate: 3 full days of work x 3 men= $3700. All of a sudden our plan has changed. Ron is going to attempt to be a manly man and take down the two trees himself (which are near our three car garage). We joked that I need to have the video camera rolling so when the big daddy tree (it's huge, I'll take pictures so y'all can see) goes through the roof of the garage, we can then send it to America's Funniest Home Videos in hopes of making some money to repair said garage. Should be fun! Also, when tree guy dad shows up and sees either A) the successfully fallen trees, or B) the gaping hole in the roof of the garage, he'll either say A) Oh, I see you took them down yourself, or B) Oooooh, I see you took them down yourself. (add in the extra inflection yourselves)

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

While looking through one of my knitting books, I found a pattern that's named "Bare that Belly". I commented out loud that I guess I wouldn't be making that sweater. I got this lovely and unexpected response.

"Well, if we ever win the lottery you can get that fixed. Then you could wear a bikini if you wanted to."

That is the post baby stretch marks/flab.

1) I don't ever plan on going under the knife to attempt to make myself feel better about my body or to make my body look better for someone else.

2) Even though I may have to hide the evidence of giving birth to two babies so people don't get grossed out on the street, I would hope that I'm not grossing out anybody in my own bedroom.

3) I don't need to be fixed (how many women can honestly say that?).

Thank you and goodnight.

Bobbles (aka: Nipples)

I've been working like a mad woman to crochet a few examples of items that I may want to sell on my new up and coming site, "Fuzzy and Warm". Then a few days ago, I get the crazy idea that I'm going to crochet an afghan for my mom for Mother's Day. No problem. Except that this particular pattern takes FO. EVA.

The pattern is called Shades of Blue. It has a very weird and disturbing "bobble" stitch throughout. I'll definitely take pictures before I send it off (that is, if I ever finish). The bobbles are protrusions that remind me of nipples (yes, I'm making an afghan for my mom with literally hundreds of blue nipples). I'm not going to mention this to mom though.

Things I've Learned Lately

.....and some things I already knew but were just reminded of.


Sometimes not talking things out can be better than beating a dead horse.

I like to socialize in small groups of people rather than one on one.

Yellow honeydew is THE BEST kind of honeydew ever.

Planning vacations and weekend excursions can be a great distraction.

Computers still baffle me. What's up with my profile picture again?

A seemingly insignificant conversation with a stranger can become obviously significant.

I'm still a firm believer that everything happens for a reason without it meaning that it's God's will.

Sometimes I need to just take a chill pill and stop being so critical of the people closest to me. (Duh)

I will do anything for my family.

I'm so proud of my kids' accomplishments.

Sometimes I feel like an outsider in my own home, but I can live with that.

Isn't it Super Cute?

And finally, here's the knit hat that Bearette made for me. You see who's wearing it? Yep, that's not me. Jesse has officially confiscated it. She loves it because it's, "Super soft and soooo comfortable."



These are some of the pictures that Grandma Donna snapped when the kids took her on a walk back to our swamp. Them's there a couple of cute kids if I do say so myself.

OK, third and final post of the day....I promise

After much discussion, we've decided that we're going to send the kids to granny and grandpa's this summer. Yay! I'm not sure what we'll do with all the kid-free free time while they're gone. I guess I can think of a few things....that one spot on the couch.....outside under the stars (note to self: don't forget the bug spray). But besides that, we should start planning now so we can use our time wisely. I wonder if we could pull off a mini vacation just the two of us while they're gone. Must. Start. Planning. Now.

The kids don't know yet. I think they'll be psyched. They'll get to see old friends, old family, and new family. Grandma Donna said that she'd love to meet my family and see the kids again so she might drive down with her husband. Also, there's lots of thrift and antique shops. I never did get to tell my story about shopping with her while she was here. I basically had to drag her out of the Goodwill store so I could get home in time to work. And then the next morning we went to an estate sale that advertised "Quilts" in their ad. She ended up coming away with a boatload of stuff, including a giant bathroom mirror. She had big plans of putting it in her carry-on bag. I figured it would be easier for us to ship it home for her. Plus I don't think it would pass through security, with the whole potential of it being turned into a weapon and all (breaking it into shards and putting it up to someone's throat). So, $23 dollars later, she has her thrift shop mirror on the way to her as we speak. Have I ever mentioned before that I HATE PAYING POSTAGE? That's why I love email. That's why I love online banking. I can practically hear the kaching-kaching in my pocket every time I save myself from wasting a postage stamp. Anyhow, I forked over the money. I hope she loves her mirror.

Now where was I? Oh yeah. The kids. Summer. California. We decided we could either send them to summer camp again or to California. Let's not forget that they'll get to see Skippy again.

I Like These

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Freak :: out
   
2. Open :: close
   
3. Important :: message
   
4. Magnetism :: hot guy
   
5. Lap :: dance
   
6. Anything :: something
   
7. Match :: stick
   
8. Father :: figure
   
9. Idea :: light bulb
   
10. Mirror :: image
    

Sometimes

Sometimes I get tired of hearing about how anyone that's irritating is worthy of extinction.

Sometimes I just want to be around positive people.

Sometimes I like to be greedy in the bedroom.

Sometimes I wish I had my mommy nearby.

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

Sometimes I like to be random.

Sometimes I wish it wasn't so hard for me to open up to people.

Sometimes I daydream about taking a trip to an exotic location by myself and meeting all kinds of interesting people along the way and not having anyone tagging along holding me back from interacting and accepting invites to parties and such.

**enough boohooing. time to get back to reality.

Too Much

I just finished watching "How to Make an American Quilt", borrowed from the library of course. Most of the time I really like movies that keep you thinking about them for a long time afterward. Movies that make you think about the meaning of life.

This is not one of those times.......

And on a lighter note

Jesse was talking about the boy she's in love with. "He's hot, nice, and funny." My response? "Well, those are some pretty good qualities."

In the meantime, Nate is scheduling his classes for the next school year. Is he really going to be in high school? Talk about making me feel old.

He is thrilled to have a choice of classes. I was surprised at just how many choices he does have. They handed out handbooks with brief descriptions of all the classes. It reminded me of a mini version of a college program guide. For his electives he is interested in Theater (I guess it's no longer called Drama), Technology, and something involving cooking (there's a whole slew of choices in that category). I'm excited for him and everything that lies ahead in the next four years.

Aw, high school memories. Aren't they the best?

What do you think?

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Trembling :: hands
   
2. Shut up :: already
   
3. Heights :: scared
   
4. Monica :: Lewinsky
   
5. Delicious :: Yum!
   
6. Joint :: hurt
   
7. Ferry :: boat
   
8. Bliss :: ful
   
9. Rejection :: high school
   
10. Satisfying :: awwww!

Try it for yourself here.

Update #3

This will be short as there hasn't been much of anything happening around here since Donna left Sunday. I think Ron and I are just trying to digest it all. Long in-depth talks, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, personality conflicts, tearful picture viewings, lots of cute picture taking of the grandkids. Sounds like a visit from the in-laws to me. But it was possibly too much, too fast. How do you fit 37 years into 4 days?

I felt myself being pulled in different directions. On the one hand, I felt a deep connection with her which is not normal for me when I first meet someone. And then when things started to take a turn for the worse, I felt like I needed to take sides. I didn't and don't want to do this. But I also feel it is my duty to stick by Ron and help him through this as best that I can.

This is just my viewpoint, but I believe that it was bound to turn out like this no matter how compatible their personalities. If you want to find flaws with someone, you will.