Under the Quilt

I'm here. You're here. Let's talk amongst ourselves.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


I'm currently working on my 100 things post about myself. It seems to be harder than I thought it would be. I am finding out things about myself though.

I am thankful for:

Going out to dinner with hubby and no kids.

Being off of work and able to go to my daughter's class halloween party....she loved having me there.

Nice warm, fuzzy blankets....it's gettin' cold.

Altoids mints....they're curiously strong....and curiously pleasurable...more on that later.

Cell phone plans that have no long distance charges....easy to keep in touch with the fam that's oh so far away.


Thursday, October 27, 2005

More Oct. Birthdays

Happy Birthday to my mom and niece today! My mom is turning 60 and just got back from a trip to Hawaii with her best friend from school days. They both turned 60 this year and decided to treat themselves to a vacation to catch up on life. Thank you for all of the birthday wishes, much appreciated. I have still not received any of my birthday gifts yet. Hubby says I will really like my package coming via UPS. I asked him if it will show up in a plain brown package. He asked if I was talking about the box or the delivery man. Ummmm.....the box. My mom said her gift to me was sent off days ago. My sister said she is still working on making my gift. So I shall have a belated birthday celebration. The kids were sweet though. Once they realized it was my birthday(I had to tell them) Jesse made me a card with purple butterflies on it. Very sweet. Bobby was being extra nice and even sang an impromptu "Happy Birthday" to me on his way to bed. Hubby felt bad(somewhat) because I didn't really get to do anything special but I don't mind. We had a nice dinner at home, played a board game with the kids, and then relaxed the rest of the evening. Not too shabby. And I bought two things for myself on my shopping trip. A pair of winter boots with fuzzy insides...and the new book from Oprah's book club....A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. It is a true life story about the author's struggle with addiction and recovery. After a frank discussion with hubby the other night, this may be a struggle to read this book. He has been talking about how tempting it is for him to drown out the noises in his head with alcohol. He only occasionally drinks anything and it is usually just 1-2 beers or just one drink with hard liquor (scotch in some soda). This worries me though that it is tempting to him. I do not want to have to go down that road and if he did choose to go there, would I be able to handle it? I know I would not tolerate it. As hard as it is for him to deal with "the noise" in his head, I will not tolerate having a partner who chooses to drown out feelings and emotions with alcohol. Having said that, anti-depressants have the same effect. So if a drug is prescribed by a doctor does that make it o.k.? I don't know the answer to that one yet. Maybe never will. Is is better for someone who is depressed and anxiety ridden to work through their feelings and really "feel" things or should they just take the meds and try to hush or at least quiet them a bit. I think if you are mildly depressed, maybe working through it without meds might be an option, but the clinically depressed cannot even think logically to work through any problems, feelings, or issues that are causing the depression. As my hubby says, they are not happy pills, they are simply to help him try to reach that unattainable goal of feeling everyone else's "normal".

Thank you to everyone with suggestions for our puppy's name. I liked them all, but we had 4 people that needed to agree on it. I do like names that are different, not the ordinary. But Skippy it is. It seems to fit him though so that is good.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Happy birthday to me!!!! Don't know if I'll get to do anything special with the fam or not, but I'm going to treat myself to a shopping trip to the mall while the kids are at school. Maybe I'll be adventurous and find something at Victoria's Secret. Or maybe just Old Navy. Hubby ordered my present off the internet the other night and said "when a package shows up from UPS, don't open it" I asked if my present was the package or the UPS guy. He said "whatever you want it to be". I'm thinking of creating a "100 random facts" about myself. Just for fun. Partly to find out a little bit more about myself. We'll see. This was exciting. Be back soon.

Oh yeah, we named our puppy. Skippy. Not really what hubby and I wanted but we needed to agree on something because we were getting tired of calling him "puppy" and "boy". We'll see if this name sticks.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Life goes on...........

We still, after a week, do not have a name for the new puppy. We tried on the name Newman for a few days, but it wasn't a good fit. It was inspired by Seinfeld so, of course, there were a few "Hello, Newman!" s thrown around. We thought that Jesse might be allergic to the puppy but no such luck. It seems to have just been a cold that she had. Too bad. I think I've discovered that I am definitely a cat person. Not that I hate dogs, they just annoy me. But since I'm such a good parent I will try to pretend to like this new addition to our family.

Bobby was asking the other day if we were going to be able to visit family in CA over Christmas break. We discussed that we weren't sure we wanted to spend $2000 just on plane tickets when we could use that to go on a real vacation somewhere we haven't been before. We didn't say anywhere specific to Bobby, but hubby and I have been talking about a trip to Mexico sometime in the spring or fall. Maybe we'll visit family during the off season when tickets aren't so expensive. Our nephew (Bobby's best friend), is going to be getting a plane ticket from my sis and bro in law for his birthday present. He will probably come sometime in the summer since he'll be able to stay longer and we'll be able to take them to go do some fun things. He is graduating high school this year so this might be their last "fling" at hanging out as kids. He may have to commit to turning into a grown up after this summer ends. Too bad. I think he might be ready for it though. Well, this was a boring entry but hopefully I can come up with some better material next time. Ta Ta!!

Oh yeah.....I am thankful for:

Doggie doors....we are definitely installing one not just for the dog but for the cats too.

Heaters that work

Fall colors

Winter clothes....I love to bundle up and get cozy

Along the same line....blankets (especially my homemade flannel quilts...flannel rocks!)

Connecting with hubby...oh, yeah you know what I mean

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Truth, lies, and misconceptions

I decided to leave that email alone. Things are going pretty good for us. I think that I was feeling homesick(wanted my mommy and sister) and really needy. I felt that hubby was neglecting me by sitting in front of the computer and watching sports. Of course I didn't come right out and tell him that I needed attention. I was rather suttle and then end up getting upset about things in the past and thinking way too much into things. So now I am somewhat better. I have decided that I need to reach out in our community and find some people to connect with. I think my emotional stability will improve greatly if I do. I know that when I start working again I will have strong connections with people. But until then, I must find some people. I suppose I will start with finding a quilting class to go to. Then who knows. I met another neighbor today while out walking. Another older woman, she was nice and is a retired teacher from my son's junior high school. I also learned from her that there is a woman just down the street from us that also does daycare in her home. Maybe I can get together with her and find out if there is a local association I can go to. A good way to find out all of the details about licensing. It is also a very good way to meet friends and share our trials and tribulations of our job. Sounds promising at least.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

This is Somewhat True

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange
At Your Highest:

You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest:

You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love:

You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive:

You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Respected?"

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


I have somewhat recently found a group of high schoolers who are a circle of friends that also blog each other(you know who you are). One of them hit on a point recently that sparked something in me that I knew but didn't want to think about. I always felt more mature than the rest of the kids my age when I started school. My sister and brother were 5 and 6 years older than me therefore I was always hanging around with older kids. I also always found comfort in being around the adults in my world and listening in on their conversations. So when I started kindergarten I found it difficult to relate to the kids my age because I felt they were playing "baby" games. I don't remember this, but my mom says(and has to tell everyone this story) that she got a call from the school psychologist stating that she thought I needed therapy. Apparantly they thought I was being abused at home because I would not talk at school. Not to the teachers and not to the other kids. The teacher said she couldn't grade me on any of my skills if I didn't talk to her. So my mom used bribery and said if I told the teacher everything I know, that I would get a dollar for each "A". It worked. I eventually began to talk, but not much. I generally only had one "best friend" each year and ironically they all seemed to move at the end of the year. So I would be stuck at square one the next fall. Even though I always felt more mature than my peers, I was very emotionally immature. I don't know how I ended up with such low self-esteem. My parents always encouraged me to try things. I do feel that they favored my bro and sis in that they attended almost every basketball game they have ever played. In town and out of town, 4 years of high school, 2 years of college. You name it we were there. I don't remember them EVER closing our mom and pop grocery store to come see me perform with the band. EVERY basketball game we would close the store early, go to the game, get dinner, and have to go do our end of the day duties at the store until 10pm or later. Now there's support folks. Try going to at least one of our band competitions sometime. It would have been nice. I was always jealous of the kids who had parents there to watch and cheer us on. So maybe that would have helped my esteem a bit, who knows.

As far as my emotional maturity now, not good. I still to this day feel like people do not want to talk to me or be my friend. Even though when I am in a group situation of people I don't know and I am wishing that someone would befriend me, I think my subconsience desperation keeps people away. I know how important body language is when communicating with people. It speaks volumes. So how does someone change their body language as to not scare people away?

Our new neighborhood seems to have many older people living in it. They are the only ones I have met so far. One older lady(70ish) was out for a walk while I was waiting for Jesse's bus. She stopped and we chatted for a few minutes. She seemed like a neat lady. I thought it would be nice to go for coffee to her house sometime. Is that weird? Should I not have more in common with 30-40 somethings who have families their trying to raise and work stresses and PTA meetings? You would think so but I still feel more comfortable hangin' with the oldies. The other weird thing is I also relate to people much younger than me. In high school I ended up being with a group of friends 1-2 grades younger than me. Don't know why and maybe I don't want to analize it. Maybe I didn't/don't want to face the fact of being grown up and growing old. It scares me that my oldest is hitting puberty(he's 12) and that maybe I want to be back there again.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Any Help Out There?

I am trying to come up with a creative name for my family daycare. I don't like the cheesy names like "Rainbow Junction" or "Kelly's Kuddly Kritters". It is just not me. I am going to have a few farm animals such as, bunnies, goats, possibly a horse or pony. So I kind of wanted to choose a name that went along with that theme to let prospective parents know what I offer. I will involve the kids in helping to take care of the animals since most kids don't get that kind of experience growing up. As a kid, I grew up with quite a few farm animals (horse, pony, pig, chickens, goats, bunnies) and it had a part in shaping who I am. I think it teaches responsibility, pride, compassion, entertainment. So anyways, if anyone out there has any suggestions for names, please let me know. I emailed my group of friends from my daycare association in CA and got a few ideas, only one that I would consider.....Farm Friends. Anyone? I'll be waiting.

Paint, tiles, Mexico, and kidneys (not the beans)

Once again I am procrastinating. I really need to get busy in the scraping paint and tiling department. But hubby says it's o.k. to take my time. So I sit here procrastinating again. Oh, well. We were looking at vacation destinations last night. While looking at Mexico, we found some really neat cabana rentals on the south eastern coast. Really nice, away from the crowds of tourists. The cabanas are located right on the beach with places to go snorkeling nearby. The Mayan ruins are within an hours drive. There's also a cheesy water/eco park within driving distance to keep the kids entertained for one of the days. We were discussing the possibility of visiting my family in CA over the kid's Christmas break. I would love to visit, but then again I would also like to spend that same amount of money on a trip somewhere that we have never been. I think it would be really awesome to get a somewhat relaxing vacation. I LOOOVE the beach, especially warm, mild beaches. Where we lived before we were right on the beach, but it was mostly foggy and cold. No matter how warm it got in the summer(80 at the most) the water was always freezing! So the prospect of getting to visit somewhere right on the beach, get to learn a little bit of the history (ruins), learn a little about the culture being away from the large tourist trap areas, and just getting to spend some fun time with hubby and kids sounds like a great idea. I think we would not take this trip right away though. Maybe not until next fall or spring as I really need to get back to work and start earning some moolah again. But it will be something fun to take the time to plan out and look forward to. I am hoping that my family will be able to take the time and money to come visit us back here so we can spend our money on fun trips! My sister, bro-in-law, and their 7 kids may come back sometime this summer as they have bought a crappy, "vacation/retirement" home in Upper Michigan. They found an ad for it and bought it without even seeing so much as 1 lousy picture. It was for $15,000 so I guess they figured they were buying it for the land and if the house was a piece of junk they can bulldoze it. So we may see them swing by here this next summer. It is not easy for them to travel these days though as my bro-in-law is on kidney dialisys. He has to go 3 times per week and so it is a long process to set up for places along their destination route for him to get "cleaned out". Hopefully soon he will get a new kidney, but until then it sucks.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Anxiety and Depression: highs and lows

Friday evening hubby comes home from work with that wild eyed look. If any of you have never seen someone in what they call hypo mania, it is freaky. It is basically an anxiety attack that doesn't go away. He describes it as having racing, irrational thoughts, not being able to sit still(having to move at least one if not more parts of his body), and a racing heart beat. His thoughts usually turn to running away. From what, I don't know. Life, responsibilities, stress, work, family, etc. A little over a year ago he had one of these episodes during his deepest part of his depression. It was quite horific for me because I had no idea how to react to this behavior. It generally seemed to be happening on his therapy days. So I soon learned on Wednesday to look out. Expect the unexpected. One evening I had gone out for my weekly quilting night with my mom and sister. Came home at around 10 p.m. and found hubby sitting on the couch and knew immediately something was up by his body language. I said , "What's up?" And he said, " Do you really want to know?" O.k. I'm thinking I probably need to know what's up but I really do not want to get into this right now. So of course I respond with, "yes, I need to know." Turns out Jesse had been giving him a hard time when it was time to go to bed. This is not unusual as it usually happened every night. She would stall and stall until you're about out of your mind. Basically she would try and push the limit and then push some more. Pretty normal kid. He did not have the skills this night to deal with it and he said he had some pretty evil thoughts running through his mind. He did not follow through on any of these thoughts but it scared the hell out of him that he would even be thinking them. He said he had a sort of out of body experience where he pictured himself kicking her while she was laying on the floor and hearing her ribs crack with each kick. So I'm sitting there listening to him with thoughts racing through my head. He needs more meds, the meds that he's on are NOT working, I cannot leave him home alone with the kids until we get this straightened out, on and on. He continues to tell me that he has been having suicidal thoughts and that it was a good thing that the old, antique gun that he still has of his mom's, does not have any ammo. Because if it did, I may have found a horrendous scene when I arrived home tonight(meaning him killing himself in order to not hurt the kids). Yeah, killing yourself is not going to hurt your kids at all and they will not be emotionally damaged at all. I had no idea how to digest all of this at once. I had just been out for a relaxing evening and then WHAMMO! He hits me with all of this. So he abruptly gets up from the couch after spatting all of this out almost like a barage of insults or something. I was needless to say speechless. He goes into the bathroom. I go upstairs to our bedroom, collapse on the bed, and start sobbing. I have no idea how to react. My emotions have been all over the place trying to figure out where my role is in all of this depression/anxiety and now suicidal turmoil. I cannot tell you how devastated I was feeling at this point. I expected him to come upstairs after hearing me bawling and try to talk with me. Instead I hear the front door slam and seconds later tires screeching out of the driveway. I thought that was the last time I was ever to see my hubby again. I thought he was going to follow through on his thoughts of driving his car off the side of a mountain. I immediately ran downstairs and out the front door but he was long gone. I was sobbing, "NO! NO! NO!" I was so out of control at that point. My body was shaking, I was sobbing, my mind was racing. How could he do this to us? How am I going to tell the kids that their dad killed himself because he wanted to protect them from him? How? Why? After my convulsing died down a bit, I started rationalizing my thoughts(or so I thought). Do we still have life insurance so that I can support the kids and not have to sell our house? Do I call my mom when I get a call from the hospital to come identify his body or do I just have a neighbor come over to stay with the kids and go it alone? The questions and thoughts went on and on. I felt like I was living someone else's life. This is not us. We are not dramatic people. We lead very normal, boring lives. At least we did until this beast (depression) entered into our lives. I hate the beast. I want to kill the beast and get my hubby back. How dare the beast take him away from us. So I am sitting there thinking these irrational thoughts about what I am to do next. I wanted the phone to ring, yet I did not want the phone to ring. What if it was "that" call. From either the police or the hospital. The one where they so delicately tell you that they just scraped your loved one off of the road and you are now expected to come look at the mangled body so as to ensure that that will always be the last memory of them that you have stuck in your brain. I really did not want to get that call. Nevertheless, the phone rang. I jumped and my heart began to race. One ring, two rings, o.k. I need to pick up, three rings. "Hello?" I answered timidly almost not wanting to here anyone on the other end. Luckily, and I don't say that mildly, it was my hubby. He was alive but still not himself. He asked if I was glad to hear him. I said yes but that I had been waiting to get a call from the hospital. I still don't know if he fully understands how that night has affected me. I will forever be in fear of him leaving in that crazed state of mind. He made it back home that night but we have still talked very, very little about it to this day. This summer I found something that he wrote to his best friend during this time of him wanting to run away from everything. In the letter(that he never sent) he stated that she was the one he always had thoughts of running to. She was the one that he had always had feelings for since high school. And even though he had told me that they were always just good friends and would remain just friends, he still had thoughts and feelings of running away from his life with me and going to her. When I bring up the fact that I read this letter, hubby explains to me that this was when he was having racing, irrational thoughts. He said that when "the beast" takes over his thoughts, everything seems rational even though it's not. This is what he also said about his suicidal thoughts. It seems like a very rational thought at the time, but after looking back on it, he can see how crazy the idea is. He knows that he has many things to be grateful for in his life. If only he could at some point control the beast.

So when he came home Friday with that look in his eyes, my radar immediately went up. At least now I know what it is and he does too. He said at lunchtime he drove around the whole city with thoughts of just taking off somewhere. Not anywhere in specific, just somewhere. He wanted to find some remote place in a state park or something and just go hiking away from any people. No human contact is usually a necessity in these instances. So I feel lucky that he knew the safest thing for him to do was come home. At least here he knows he has a soft place to land. He has people that love him and will be here for him no matter what. He ended up going to bed and sleeping for 12 hours. When he woke, he said he realized that he may have forgotten to take the Zoloft for the last two days. Please, please take your meds! Am I going to have to monitor his intake so we can resume some sanity in this household? Please no. I've been there before and don't want to do that again(more on that later). So I leave you with that. Good night all. Hope tomorrow brings sunshine and no rain.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

More broken, mixed up memories

Here's a little continuation on how my hubby and I got to know each other. Recap: he gave me a note to go to halloween party, we "went out" for a couple of weeks, I got bored of hanging in band room and missed my friends, I avoided him, he finally met up with me, I gave him the "brush off", he gave me "that" look. Fast forward three years. I am a senior. He has been out of HS for 2 years. I am desperate enough for a "real" boyfriend at this point that at night I go through my yearbooks, scanning through the pictures to see who I want to potentially go after. I told you, I was desperate with a capital D. One of the guys from band was a potential. He kinda sorta flirted with me but then he did that with a lot of the girls. So I wrote him(what I thought) was a really cool poem. It basically was asking him to go to the Christmas formal with me. I must say that I don't blame him for turning me down. He was probably a foot shorter than me and 2-3 years younger. That set me back for a while. I did not "approach" any guys after that for a while. I was currently volunteering to be the videotaper for the girls basketball team. This was quite interesting in itself. My sister, who is 5 years older than me and played all 4 years of b-ball at this school, was the assistant coach. This is how I got myself wrangled into this position. I really did not want to be the louser videotaping every freakin' game holding the massive videocamera for over an hour. This thing was a behemouth. So halfway through the season, I get this bright idea to write a sappy love note laced with an even sappier poem to hubby(not my hubby yet, but you follow?). He was working at the local drug store and every time I would be in there, I would try to avoid him but somehow always ended up meeting up coming around a corner or something. Embarrassed because I never really did apologize for my heartless way of breaking up with him, I would sulk away. So after I had this letter finished, I also had to make up a plan to get it to him. I did not drive at the time and none of my friends did either. So I talked my mom into going for frozen yogurts (the craze at the time). The yogurt shop was right beside where he worked. I faked feeling sick when we got there and said I just wanted to stay in the car. I'm an such a bad liar, but my mom bought it and said she'd be right back. I was lucky enough to spot his car right away, a green honda accord. Luckily, luckily it was the right green honda or else my life would have turned out much differently. The next day I was shocked and pleased all at once when he called. When I got off the phone, of course my mom wanted to know what it was all about. I NEVER got calls from guys. I just told her that he called to see if I could go out to get a soda and talk. Years later hubby spilled the beans at a family get-together. Noone ever knew that I was the instigater in this whole thing. Sweet, little, innocent Roxanne. Who knew? Desperation can do funny things to people. So that first time we went out neither of us knew what to expect. We ended up talking a bit, walked down the levee of the river, and kissed and hugged and snuggled like we had been doing it for years. It somehow felt so familiar to me but it was also very strange. This was someone that I had purposely tried to avoid like the plague for many years. It was mostly because of my guilt for how I made him feel way back when and also that damn look he gave me. I never thought we would ever get back together but I also can not picture myself with anyone else. We seem to be perfect for each other, problems and all. I think we relate to each other really well. I know we have our times where communication is not at it's best, but every couple experiences that at some time or other. For the most part, we are there for each other when we need a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a "love you", a kick in the butt (figuratively), a roll in the hay, a word of encouragement, or just someone to snuggle with and be that soft place to land at the end of a really hard day. I think knowing that we will bethere for each other through "thick and thin" as the wedding vows say, is enough to keep us going in this crazy mixed up world.

Friend or foe

We have water again. Yeah!! Now I can shower this stinky body after I clean up the enormous mess left in the basement. Half of the floor needs to be repainted before I can set up stuff for my daycare. Oh, well. Could be worse, right? So, on to the subject of friends.

I am not and have never been very good at making new friends. I have analized this and came up with a few main reasons why. I never think that I am worthy of someone else's friendship. When I get to know someone beyond just being aquaintances, I fail to think that they would actually consider me to be their friend. Mind you, I can be a very good, loyal, and loving friend. I just don't feel that other people are going to reciprocate. Maybe it is also that I don't want to put myself out there only to be rejected. If I call someone else my friend and they don't feel the same way, then what? It is almost like when someone gets brave enough to say "I love you" only to be rejected by not hearing it in return. I think part of this for me stems from childhood relationships of being rejected. I usually only had one good friend each year of elementary school, only to have that friend move away at the end of the school year. Then I was back to square one. By 6th grade I really wanted to connect with someone, ANYONE, but instead I spent each recess just wandering around or sitting on a bench by myself. I was lucky enough in 7th grade to meet up with a girl that I had gone to school with since Kindergarten but never was friends with. Her best friend had moved to a different school so she was looking for someone new and me, being desperate, latched on like a lost little puppy. When we got to high school I started to hang out with different groups of friends. Some of them from band/flags, some from choir, and then my bf from junior high. She and her group of friends were a little more trouble makers than I cared to be with so I drifted towards the complete opposite. A friend from flags who is a mormon, a girl from band who is a baptist, and a handful of other innocents.

Now as an adult I still have trouble making friends. I have tried forcing my old habits and thoughts out the door, but they still seem to come creeping back in. I have to tell myself that, yes, I am worthy of someone else's friendship. It is not easy to do though when you've been telling yourself these things for so many years. Now living in a totally different part of the country as my family, I cannot rely on them as backup. By this I mean that I have to really make an effort to step out of my box and find different ways to meet people. I enjoy quilting and that was something that my mom, sister, and I did together. Every Thursday we went to a class and then out to dinner afterwards. It was our way of staying connected to each other while doing something that we all enjoy. Now I will use that opportunity to meet people here. I also can meet people through my kid's schools. Although it is interesting how clique-ish that can be. If your kid doesn't play with so and so's kid then good luck getting into the group of moms. Oh, well. I'm sure there is someone out there who doesn't mind buddying up with someone as desperate as me. O.K. now I'm starting to sound pitiful, which is how I feel, so maybe I really am. I thought that after high school the clique thing would go away. It does to some extent, but there is always some sort of undertone. I don't know how to get past that other than to try to associate myself with the people who don't involve themselves in such juvenile behavior. I suppose some people get into the habit of excluding others as they are growing up and just don't realize they are still doing it as adults. Then there are the people that you went to school with who would never have noticed that you existed back in the day. You meet up with them years later and they are almost too friendly, sickeningly friendly. I am always thinking, "yeah, I guess you realized what a prick you were before so now you're trying to make up for it now."

Happy thoughts. Have to keep thinking happy thoughts so I don't scare any potential friends away.

Some gratefuls and some ungratefuls

O.K., I think I'll start with the ungratefuls for today. We had to have the plumber come out to check our well pump. Not only is it extremely loud(you seriously need ear protection if anywhere in the vicinity), but it keep on coming on when no water was being run. So we find out that we need to replace the pump. $400 of it is covered by the home warranty, $550 we have to pay. Great, as long as we have water and don't lose our hearing. After installing the new pump, he discovers that the previous owners have created a so called "cover up" to a much larger problem. They will have to come back tomorrow to dig up the well casing and fix whatever problem lies beneath it. Another $750 out of our pockets, great. No showers in the morning, too. So, no fun in the bedroom tonight. Bummer. Now for the good news. I am grateful for:

Our new showerhead---removable massaging thingy that can get EVERYTHING clean (sorry, but I love it)

That we're going to get our new puppy soon---although we don't know what breed probably a mix of something from the humane society

That hubby is happy with his new toy---52 in big screen HD something or other t.v. for our new cool basement hangout

That I finally got motivated to start cleaning the basement so I can start my business again and start getting some income again and start being on a regular schedule again and and and (run on sentences rule)

That I'm headed for bed right now and it's a really comfy pillow top bed

Hershey's dark chocolate kisses---they're yummy yet in small quantities they're actually healthy for you(I need to go shopping tomorrow)

The leaves are starting to change which means snow is closer....come on, snow already would you? (I know I'll get sick of it before spring but for now, bring it on!)

I will be writing more on memories tomorrow but I'm too tired now so......stay tuned in.